As recently as 2 days ago, my final day at the law school, I was still remarkably calm and collected – as if I move to a foreign country everyday. Despite a crazy-busy week filled with more cat-moving drama, the sale of my car, and possibly my last-ever court appearance, I ended the week on a mellow note. I walked around the building, said my goodbyes, and drove off into the sunset. I was pretty proud of myself. People were commenting how they’d be much more stressed in my position. But not me – I’m cool as a cucumber. Well, until now….
Okay, NOW it is really dawning on me. It’s gone from being exciting, to surreal, to ever-so-real. We are moving to Italy a week from Thursday!!! Seriously!
I am writing this post to try and help process my thoughts and feelings, but I think they are too jumbled and intense and varied to make much sense of. Overall, there is a powerful sense of impending displacement – of time and place and people and comfort and familiarity. (And the more concrete dread of the actual obstacle-course trip itself)
While there’s still a little stuff left here and there, most of our household has been sold or given away or packed. We’ve lived in this house for 18 years. It doesn’t look right this empty – as if the “home” part has been packed up. I wonder if we will ever live in this house again…
I continue to have lunches with friends and stubbornly continue to refuse to say “goodbye.” After all, in this day of Skype and e-mail, there really is no such thing as “goodbye” – is there? And, if I’m being honest, I am just no good at the mushy stuff. But know I’ll miss the spontaneous deep conversations in the hallway at law school, Saturdays at meditation, and long lunches to catch up and vent and just be. The open-ended guest-floor invitation is my solace.
It’s the first weekend of the Olympics; Italy is doing well in the medal count and was featured as having the most stylish opening ceremony uniforms; I feel a weird sense of pride…