I think I’ve mentioned more than once that we took a road trip over Spring Break. We started off in Las Vegas, splurging with a great AAA rate for 2 nights at the Bellagio (I’ve always wanted to stay there). When I was checking us in, the concierge asked if we were there celebrating anything special, to which I responded (honestly), “Yes, our 24th Anniversary” (yes readers, you read that right, and THANK YOU, I do look too young). The nice young woman then disappeared for a few minutes and returned with the keys, telling us we had been complimentarily upgraded to a “suite.” Pretty cool, huh?! We didn’t know what “suite” meant till we got to the room – almost 1600 sf, 2 bathrooms, a living room, dining area and bar (pictured below). Now that’s a Las Vegas Suite!!!
Fast-forward a week to the last day of our road trip, heading back from California through Arizona. We had not made hotel reservations as we were playing the last part of our trip by ear and wasn’t sure how far we (i.e. Steve) would drive that night. It looked like if we pushed it, but not unreasonably, we could get to Flagstaff, AZ, so I got on my trusty ipad and started trying to find accommodations. I guess I didn’t really think Flagstaff, AZ would be such a popular place for Spring Break (aren’t you supposed to go to Cancun or South Padre Island?!), but most of the hotels were booked. I did find a couple of rooms, but seriously – 189$ for a so-so rated Days Inn?!?!?!? (for the record that’s more than our deluxe suite at the Bellagio). So, I did a quick recalculation and started trying to find not-too-scary motels in outlying towns. Which brings us to the phone conversation with the Canyon Lodge in Seligman, AZ:
Me: Hello! Do you have any rooms available for tonight?
Man with HEAVY GERMAN ACCENT (Reinhardt) speaking curtly and directly (read “military-like”): Do you smoke?
Me: No Sir. (“Sir” is an old habit from living in Texas and going to Texas A&M)
Reinhardt: Are you sure?
Me: Yes Sir.
Reinhardt: Do you have pets?
Me (assuming he meant with us and not in general): No Sir.
Reinhardt: Are you sure?
Reinhardt: Yes, I have one room. 60 dollars. When will you be here?
Me (very concerned at what 60$ buys after hearing 189$ for a Days Inn): We’re driving there now, we should be there in about 3 hours.
Reinhardt: You must arrive before 10:00. I close the office at 10:00. No smoking and no pets.
Me: We’ll be there by 9:00 at the latest, thank you very much!!!
I will save you all from re-hearing this same conversation, which took place again once we got to the motel. (The ridiculous thing was that right outside our room was a smokers’ patio, complete with ashtrays and interesting looking characters smoking away.) The next part was hysterical – Reinhardt explained he actually had two rooms left, the “Grand Canyon” theme room and the “Las Vegas Honeymoon Suite” (apparently every room has a theme). He then proceeded to show me a slide show of all of the rooms, while all I could think was I am really tired and really don’t want to be forced to make any more small talk (I already dodged the question about my German last name and refrained from wishing him a happy first night of Passover). So I said, “I see you already have a key in your hand so I’ll take the room you chose.” He said, with a sly grin (as much as someone with his accent and demeanor could muster) that it was the “Las Vegas Honeymoon Suite” and he was “certain you will enjoy it very much.”
OMG!!! First of all, the “Las Vegas Honeymoon Suite” was right above his office. Coincidence? I think not. We could hear his phone ring and we could hear the conversations – you can do the math in reverse. EWWWWWW. As if that was not enough discouragement from “enjoying” the room, the room itself was beyond indescribably aesthetically assaultive. The Las Vegas-y things were cheesy puzzles of Las Vegas glued together and hung on the walls, along with gaudy decor and an entire mirrored wall. I’m sorry I didn’t take better photos of the cheesiness, but we were tired (fortunately tripadvisor was correct about the rooms seeming clean) and I didn’t know I was starting my blog back up yet.
So there you have it, a book-end of “Las Vegas Suites”: